DESPERATE

You know my dear
my heart is heavy
I'm sad and I
could cry
without end because
sadness doesn't leave me
I try to forget
the pain
I complain
which fulfills me
I'm so afraid so afraid
my love
and I think I can never
get over it again
it seems so hopeless
pain is endless
you can't guess
feel my pain and
you'll understand
where I'm going through in
this moment it's hard
and where is my light
doesn't shine for me
it's all black around
don't ask where
I am now I
don't know
can't leave this state
of rain
in my heart
caused by pain
endless and heavy
pain you
can't feel
can't know
can't understand if
you don't feel
with me
you know I love
you and I
thank you and
god that
you are
there when I
need you
and therefor you
are my
friend
but nothing can
close the injury
which was ripped
inside
perhaps time
that passes
will take away
my sorrow
I'm so afraid
go away
please leave me
alone
with my
pain to
get over it to
convince it
my dear god
it was
so cruel
so inhuman
what he
did
it was like
rape
how I
suffered because
he tormented
me
made psycho
terror
nobody can understand
me and the
destruction in
my soul
no one can feel
it is individual
and I
hope that
you try to let
me be like
I am
to accept that
I'm not
able to stand
the load
on my shoulders
on my soul
it's heavy
and it
is hard
to be
strong in
spite of
this situation
I try
to but
do not succeed
perhaps
another time
yes
I need time
to get
over it and
I hope
you'll be
there for me
cause I
need you
baby sky's
crying
with me
rain and
tears
falling down
watering earth
never did I
cry like this
never more bitterly
but some day
I can forget
and I
will laugh again
some day
in future
and I
love you
again
and again
the source of
blood pain fear
runs dry
is becoming
smaller
and I'll
live
again
I'm sorry
that I
can't
express in
words what
I feel

09. December 1994